


Share of Hell

by Greenplay



Category: Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Funeral, Gen, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 13:16:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14057760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenplay/pseuds/Greenplay
Summary: Maria wanted a religious funeral for Smerdyakov, but Alyosha was not so sure about the idea.





	1. Maria Came to Alyosha

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [我将彻夜歌唱](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850872) by [Greenplay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenplay/pseuds/Greenplay). 



It was the sixth day after Mitya’s trial. Ivan finally woke up from his unconsciousness. He still had a slight fever and was advised to rest at home. Alyosha had been busy dealing with all sorts of things since murder case. Now seemed to be a good time to take a break, so he decided to go back home and pack some change of clothes for brother Ivan.

It was a gloomy day. Grey clouds were gathering and hovering beneath the sky, as if brewing a secret revenge. Alyosha walked out from home with his suitcase in hand, trying not to be noticed by anyone. He preferred the small garden gate rather than the main one. It’s strange that he fell like an outsider in his own place. Father was dead, Mitya arrested and Iven fell ill, there was nothing left in this house to remind him of “home”.

He slid through the garden gate and walked quickly, but suddenly stopped by an unexpected hand.

“Alexei Fyodorovitch! Please wait a moment!” It was a familiar voice. Alyosha turned round and found Maria hastening towards him. 

“Anything I can help?” Somehow he felt a bit nervous, for being caught or being wrongfully expected? He didn’t know.

“I know you’ve been busy with Dmitri’s case these days…we all know that, but you seemed to forget that you had a brother yet to be buried…” Said Maria timidly, but her hold and gaze remained tight. “People talked about it everywhere! The trial and the murderer, but who cared about him?”

“Him? You mean Smerdyakov?” It suddenly struck Alyosha that it was Maria who found the body first. She came to his place and cried out the bad news the other day, but he did not follow.

“Who else would that be? Didn’t you see his body too? You went for the police then. They took a short investigation and then just disappeared. Everything was in a mess…there’s only me, I cleaned his body and wrapped him in white cloth…you know dead people, how horrible they could be! But strangely I was not afraid at all, it was something else that I am worrying about…”

She said she wasn’t afraid, but still shaking all over just like a dying leaf. Alyosha got even more confused:” So…What would you have me do?”

“He needed a proper funeral! Who else can do that but you?” Her eyes were wide open, as if surprised that Alyosha failed to understand her immediately. 

Alyosha didn’t expect that. He shook his head: “I’m afraid…No, it’s not for me to do that. The church won’t accept him.”

“Please…Just hear me out…I know a suicide is condemned to hell, but not all of them! If god knew about his heart, he would’ve considered it twice! Just hear me out…”

But Smerdyakov was not only a suicide but a murderer! Alyosha believed so from the bottom from his heart, even without a single piece of evidence. He could swear to god, to the court…to Ivan if needed. However, Maria might have no idea of this intuition. He decided to keep the truth to himself, so he looked away and shook his head, “Maria Kondrajevna, I would do anything to prevent this tragedy if only Smerdyakov was alive. But…a suicidal soul is not welcomed in god’s paradise, not to mention that he was also a suspect of…”

“A suspect? No he wasn’t! Pavel would never hang himself of suspicion!” Maria seemed rather shocked, but still insisted on calling the servant by his name, as if holding to an exclusive right. “You said so only because you didn’t know him. Pavel was learning French before his suicide. I brought him a grammar book when I visited him in the hospital! How could a sensible man decide to kill himself all of a sudden? How could anyone ruin his own life like this?”

Her words paled Alyosha. Something strange occurred to him as he murmured:” It was the Devil that ruined his life…”

“If does exist the Devil,” Maria heard him, took up some courage and said: “That would be Ivan…Ivan Fyodorovitch.” She looked at Alyosha cautiously, as if she had revealed a blasphemous truth. But it was not anger that struck Alyosha. It was not “How dare you!” but “How did you know?” That terrible idea shocked Alyosha even more. Did he take Ivan for a devil deep inside? Did he not know that there was a vivid hell boiling in Ivan’s mind? He could never make sense of Ivan if not so!

“You might not be aware, Alexei Fyodorovitch…Everything was normal and in place before Ivan Fyodorovitch returned home. Pavel used to play guitar in our pretty little garden on weekends, when he was not so occupied. A fine musician he was! But he no longer had his humble pleasure since Dmitri Fyodorovitch drove him away…But it wasn’t the point, it was not what I’m saying! He gave up most of his normal pleasures ever since he became fascinated in Ivan.” She noticed as she said, Alyosha frowned at hearing his brothers’ names mentioned.

“There are talkings everywhere in town…some people believed that Pavel was the real killer, Dmitri was set up and poor Ivan the most noble man, who sacrificed his own sense and honour out of mere conscience! Who’d know? That Ivan wasn’t the real victim! That someone had sacrificed his life for him before the trial! Pavel had been saving money long ago, for moving to Moscow. But he set it aside just because of Ivan. He said things that I couldn’t understand, like he had lost his sense, and Dimitri even laughed him for that, simply for their closeness…”

“He hated Dmitri! He hated you! He hated all of you…Only Ivan Fyodorovitch was ever kind to him, Pavel refused to admit though. He respected him with all his heart, even a blind man can see that. To an extent that…Can you imagine such kind of love Alexei Fyodorovitch? Love so strong that it can destroy oneself! He dreamt of his own restaurant in big cities, of earning his living and being a respectable man, where no one despises him or cares who his mother was…” Maria covered her mouth, trying hard to hold her tears.

It was not long ago that Alyosha sneaked into the small garden to find brother Dmitri, as He clearly recalled. Smerdyakov was playing guitar and sing a love song at that time, which was quite unusual, but Alyosha paid no attention to it. He was so occupied by other “important” matters that someone else’s misfortune (or dark desire) just escaped him. Had he noticed it, things might turn out completely different. Maybe the murder would never happen…Alyosha couldn’t help comparing the best possible result with the current situation. He didn’t expect Maria’s simple request to be so stressful.

“You are right, Maria Kondrajevna. Men should love on another like brothers, as the Lord said.” Alyosha reluctantly admitted.

But it wasn’t enough. Maria did not accept his answer and unwittingly raised her voice (she used to be so submissive but now became incredibly demanding): “I beg you please! Alexei Fyodorovitch! Please do not preach about your remote loves! Do you really expect compassion from god? From so far above? At least I do not, if Pavel’s closest brother…if you don’t even love him! You love him only for the sake of god, but in fact you don’t love him at all. As a person, a Karamazov, you never liked him.” She started sobbing again, while still staring at Alyosha. She was mourning for Smerdyakov, and at the same time proud to be his defender.

Alyosha shivered and stepped back. Her voice was pounding on his heart, the very heart that broken for Zosima’s death not long ago. He had lost his faith at that time, he swayed to uncertainty and doubts like a stray dog, but he eventually regained his strength beneath that calm starry night. He thought that he would be strong enough and nothing would break him again. He promised to the cosmos that he would live up to his faith til the end of time. But how about now? He was so arrogant and ignorant! Brother Ivan had seen it coming. He said one can only love those at a distance. What should he do if Ivan was right about human nature, right about all of them?

“Then…What would you have me do?” Alyosha’s lips were trembling.

“You already knew.” Maria said, with tears in her eyes.

Yes. He knew perfectly well, but his heart and sense fought against each other just like the grey clouds rolling above the horizon. It was not Maria that frightened him, but the fact that he had no idea of what to do. What would his Lord want from him? What would Zosima want from him? Alyosha was completely lost in the dark. He cared not for courtesy now so he ran away from the garden without saying goodbye. Maria cried out behind him:

“Go find Ivan Fyodorovitch! He knew everything!”

The clouds were eager and impatient. They summoned the rain with no further hesitation, just like the devil shed blood out of pure pleasure. 

Alyosha turned a few corners and stopped. His legs gave away since most of his mind was filled by unsolvable questions and uncontrollable emotions. Maria sang a song from far away. Heavy rain blurred her voice, but her song was still sound and beautiful, tenderly reminded him of a faint company of guitar. 

“Whatever you may say,

I shall go far away.

Life will be bright and gay

In the city far away.

I shall not grieve,

I shall not grieve at all,

I don’t intend to grieve at all.”

God had sent him to convince Ivan of his innocence, but Alyosha never realised that HE had also revealed Smerdyakov’s secret, in a way he failed not understand.


	2. Alyosha Came to Ivan

Alyosha dashed into Ivan’s room. The patient was staring at the rainy window blankly, startled by his little brother.

Alyosha looked straight into Ivan’s eyes, with thousands of words about to pour out. Ivan grabbed a towel and wiped Alyosha’s wet face. He did it very carefully, as if trying to wipe off the unusual expression he wore.

“Ivan, Smerdyakov hanged himself.” Finally Alyosha said, voice cracked.

Ivan tensed up when he heard the outdated news and said:” I knew that already.” He held his breath unconsciously, knowing there was something more about Alyosha’s visit.

Alyosha took his left hand and placed it on his cheek, but he did not kiss it. The unsettled kiss turned into a strange question: “Did you know who killed him, brother Ivan?”

The candle was idle, leaving Ivan’s face dark in the shadow. Alyosha could only see his pale lips shakily moving:” Why do you ask? You want to convince me again that ‘it’s not me’?”

Alyosha took a deep breath and explained his earlier conversation with Maria, but he did not repeat the question. He already knew the full answer by observing Ivan’s face. It was Ivan that lured Smerdyakov to the demonic path. It was him. But that poor soul was not satisfied with a lonely hell, to where he desperately tried to drag Ivan down with him. He had refueled the hellfire that once ignited by Ivan. Alyosha could almost sense the dead man’s effort simply by Ivan’s nightmare.

That was Smerdyakov’s revenge. His suicidal soul refused to let Ivan go. That’s why Ivan struggled so hard in the court and was still tormented ever since. Then what should he do now, Alyosha wondered. How could he possibly comfort a dead man’s soul, and let it make peace with a living one?

“I am going to hold a funeral for him.” So Alyosha made up his mind and looked directly at Ivan, as if it wasn’t a suggestion but a challenge.

“You? A religious funeral?” Ivan smiled nervously, “My dear humble monk, isn’t that a rebellion as you call it? What would Zosima say about it? Just because Maria Kondrajevna was so very pitiful that you can’t hold back tears for her? She loved Smerdyakov. That’s for sure. She even crowned herself as the only human that ever loved him, which made it honourable and unique somehow…I don’t know. Do you understand?”

“Then was she the only one that ever loved Smerdyakov?” Alyosha asked, his dark grey eyes sharpened up, like a bright lightning suddenly sliced the sky.

“Well…Who else? You know, not even Gregory…” Ivan closed his eyes and frowned, as if disturbed by an invisible hand inside his head. “Why bother? He killed himself and that’s it. It cannot be fixed, no matter who loved him.”

“No…No! Brother!” Alyosha grabbed Ivan’s shoulder, eyes softened by tears, “We can fix it! We can! Do you not remember he was one of our brothers? He was no less than brother Dmitri! Where is heaven, where is redemption if we don’t even love our next of kin?” 

Ivan looked at him with a pitying smile. Both recalled their previous conversation about love. The air was stirring between them two as it always did when Alyosha got really close to Ivan’s heart. So Ivan spoke before he could calm himself:

“What now? Have you fallen in love with Smerdyakov already, my dear monk? It took you so long to realise that you were responsible for him…Is that so? Because you are as much murderous as I do? You are frightened…frightened that his hellish ghost might drag me down, aren’t you?”

“So I am, what’s wrong with that?” Alyosha answered shakily. He felt hurt by Ivan’s cruel words.

Ivan suddenly let go of his hands and snapped: “Funeral? Damn funeral! I tell you…hereby I clearly state that Smerdyakov didn’t want it! He would never…never want your religion! Are you planning to cross before his coffin and say ‘God spared your soul’ or what? Your almighty had never shed a tear for anybody on earth, not even a drop of crocodile’s tear! And now he sent his loyal servant to forgive our sins?”

Ivan got so mad that he started laughing, “This is nonsense…he never cared for anything or anyone. When children are tormented, women insulted and souls struggling in agony, where is he? What did know of this world, the world that he spent a few days creating? I’ll tell you what he really does. He takes out a ruler to measure every single one of us! When we finally make it to the end of our miserable life, there he is, holding his immense ruler like a cocky butler. He’d say, ‘Step back gentleman, you are not allowed to enter, look at your stained boots!’ or ‘I am very sorry, people are queueing up for entry, so would you please kindly wait in line…’…”

“I tell you, Smerdyakov would never want it, never! I…He was a murderer. He deserved his share of hell. I won’t let you have him!” Ivan shouted. He could barely control himself even meeting Alyosha’s calming eyes. “Aren’t you a true believer? Can you forgive such a sin? Can your elder Zosima forgive?”

Alyosha looked at his glowing furious eyes and sighed:” I see. You don’t accept this world as of HIS creation, or HIS forgiveness. Smerdyakov had never let go of your soul, neither would you let go of his.”

“Me? His soul?” Ivan laughed almost hysterically, “Dead is dead. Smerdyakov was nothing more than dust now. There is no way he could bother me anymore.” But Ivan buried his head in hands just after he finished. His painful and guilty breath betrayed his words. 

Alyosha approached him and touched his arms worriedly, trying to talk to him:” Brother Ivan? That wasn’t true. You are tormenting yourself.”

Ivan opened his eyes, as if suddenly waken from a nightmare. He confusedly put down his hands and stepped back, feeling horrified by what he just said. Alyosha’s hands were comforting, a kiss would be even better, which he desperately needed at that moment. But still he turned away and said:” I would want a kiss if I were…but not now, not now…I am sorry, just let me be alone.”

At last Alyosha made Ivan take some rest on bed. He watched his brother’s pale face silently as he gradually fell asleep. Alyosha did not leave the room, instead he stood still and pondered for a while. It was rainy and gloomy outside. The window framed itself wide and open, like a greedy mouth slowly chewing their souls.


	3. Funeral at the Stone

Smerdyakov’s funeral was scheduled in two days.

Lise took great interest in it (or everything Alyosha had in mind) and voluntarily offered a sum of money to cover the costs, but even so the arrangement was still fairly simple. Maria bought flowers for coffin decoration and put a small Orthodox icon in the dead man’s hands. It was said that the icon might be the only one that witnessed his death.

Smerdyakov’s coffin was temporarily placed in Karamazov’s house, on which Alyosha insisted. It didn’t take much effort to insist though, he was practically the only master remaining in his family. Before the farewell vigil, Alyosha, Maria and Grigory sat together and prayed, but each prayed in their own memory of the dead.

Grigory was still a bit dazed with his wounded head. He couldn’t help with the pain so he decided to complain about the case: “I just can’t believe it…that little bastard killed himself!” He refused to accept the fact that Smerdyakov had chosen his own death without anyone’s consent, god in particular. From his perspective, it would much more reasonable if the servant was sentenced to death because of crime. “I raised him myself! I read the holy Bible every night, but he never learned and always talked back! He had it coming…The devil took him!”

“Please! No more words!” Maria crossed her hands and snapped back,” You don’t really care for his soul, do you?”

Alyosha stopped the upcoming quarrel and started his prayer:

“……They, rather than I, have confessed my sins before the world.

They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself.

They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torments.

They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself.

They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.”

He had never been an expert at singing, but some phrases crossed his mind while he prayed. Those were not specific phrases, not as beautiful as Maria’s singing, but more like scatters of long-lost dreams floating up from his memory. When was it…He met Smerdyakov long ago, when he was just a small child. The servant used to watch Ivan and Alyosha from a distance, which made Alyosha feel scared. He might have felt the breath of devil from the very beginning.

There was a period that Smerdyakov had been kind. Once he made fresh cake and shared with Ivan and Alyosha like a friendly neighbor child. Ivan accepted the present politely, while Alyosha flushed and hid behind his brother. Neither of them enjoyed the cake, because Ivan had fed it to stray dogs. It was not long before the murder that Alyosha heard about Smerdyakov’s dog abuse from Kolya. He had no idea why would anyone do such cruel things to those poor creatures. Kolya knew Smerdyakov and despised him like most people did, so he mocked the abuser’s words in a resentful tone: 

“If only all the dogs die! Each of them!”

Memories kept pouring out and filling Alyosha along with his prayer:“……Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them. Bless them and multiply them; multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me: so that my fleeing to You may have no return……”

He prayed and prayed and prayed, until warm tears streamed down his face.

 

Maria insisted that Smerdyakov be buried elsewhere than the small garden where he was born, but he was not accepted by the church either, so Alyosha picked the Ilusha’s favourite stone.

Lise sent one of her servants to dig a pit beside the stone and lowered the coffin down in it. It was near dusk when all was done and ready. Then the twelve schoolfellows came.

At first they were reluctant to attend the funeral, because mourning for the servant of Karamazov-or the real murderer as the rumour went- was not a tempting idea. Only Kolya got excited when Alyosha’s name was mentioned. He considered for a while and murmured to himself:” The youngest Karamazov?” and said:” Of course we should go, of course.” His friends looked at each other and decided to follow their leader. 

Alyosha smiled as the twelve of them gathered around him. He loved them so much! They reminded him of the most lovable and precious in the world. Children’s red cheeks were so radiant that they refreshed Alyosha’s mind immediately. He nodded to them one by one, making sure he recognised each face and then started:

“Do you remember that last time we met here? That I said good, sacred memory preserved  
from childhood might be the best education. Even if we grow wicked later on, the seed of kindness might save us from evil, the love for Ilusha might save us from hell.” Alyosha paused for a while, he could feel that twelve pairs of glowing eyes were fixing on him. Kolya straightened himself up to looked taller.

“But today I am going to share with you another story, a story of a miserable man, who had no such childhood or friends as Ilusha did. Then I will have a decision for all of you to make. I shall explain later.” Alyosha said seriously, and so his narrative began:

“This miserable man was once a child, but sadly he was not blessed from the very beginning. It all started from a mad woman, who was abused and trampled on all her life. She died soon after the childbirth, leaving the poor baby crying in a deep dark night. This child was not born into warm hands or welcome, but a house of strange bloodline and misfortune. Luckily a kind old man took him home and raised him up together with another two boys.

“Of course the child should have his own family name. He had a father like everybody else, but his father didn’t offer the honour, instead he gave his son a shameful last name, which related to his mad mother. So the child grew up day by day. The old man was not very much educated. The only book he consulted was the hold Bible, but at least he kept the him from starving. However, the child did not live to his expectation and turned out to be rather resentful about almost everything. There might be something to do with his incurable disease, or the fact that no one actually cared for him. He did not believe in god, or precisely he hated HIM. Really, if HE does exist, why not lift a finger to save the world from all these miserables? If human beings are so little of importance that we don’t deserve HIS time and effort, then why bother creating us in the first place? Those crazy thoughts kept running in his wild mind and got more and more dominant, especially when an episode struck him. He had no friends or companions, so he invented his own way of amusement. I believe some of you have heard of it, that means animal abuse…like kitties and puppies…”

Alyosha looked around his audience, one or two among thom got very nervous as they knew the story’s protagonist in person. Only Maria and Lise remained attentive and listened very carefully. 

“…He practiced his power on those poor vulnerable animals, and the idea of power was thereafter rooted deep in his mind. But there were things that he couldn’t change by personal will. He gradually realised that his father would never name him properly. He could be the best chef in the town but nothing more than that. His three brother-yes he did have brothers- knew who he was but paid no attention to him, nor did they care for his wishes,” Alyosha panted, his strength seemed drained up by those simple sentences, but he continued, “Only the second one was different, who just returned home for a long vacation. Soon the two of them talked like friends and even understood each other (to some extent). For more than twenty years of the servant’s life, he had never met anyone, anyone who understood him. He became so fascinated with his half-brother that he forgot his own position. He was eager to fulfill his brother’s wish at all costs, even if that wish was evil and hellish. Strange isn’t it, this hungry lonely soul, chose not to satisfy himself first but the one he loved. Now it proved to be a huge tragedy. His dear brother drowned himself in guilt, gave up their agreed secret plan and broke down since then. He chose to comfort his conscience rather than make up for the servant’s sacrifice. Nothing could be made up for. The servant didn’t want it anyway. He was a cold-hearted killer and couldn’t care less for his father’s death, but he refused to accept his brother’s betrayal.

“He did not accept it, just like he did not accept God. To prove that point he decided to kill HIM, and himself.” 

Alyosha pressed his hands on Ilusha’s stone, shivering all over. He could hardly go on, but he still looked up and was determined to finish the rest: “Once I’ve told you, a good childhood could be precious asset for one’s future, but what if…If one was never loved, who can he turn to? Where can he find his strength? If the seed of kindness has never been sowed, how can he harvest a moral soul? And who is to blame for his sin? Even if he was lucky enough to have someone loved and befriended with, can he liberated himself from the hell that haunted him for so long? Devil took his hand first before he could bathe in his share of light! Because no one else would reach out! Things like that broke my heart. There are thousands of children suffering in such horrible situation, here and now. It broke my heart at the thought of those miserable children in our dear Russia.”

Maria covered her face and couldn’t help crying out. She wanted to stand up but her legs were too trembling to do so. Lise seemed moved too, but she simply smiled at Alyosha, as if enjoying a remarkable view. 

“Now you have a decision to make,” Alyosha clapped his hands, facing the twelve and said:” I believe in you, because you are yet to grow up and you can still feel Ilusha’ heart. Now I need each of you to make a decision, for the sake of Ilusha, pray tell me, can we forgive this murderous and miserable soul?”

Boys were so touched by Alyosha’s story, they stood up around the stone one after another and nodded “yes”. One of them (who always flushed when speaking) said shyly:” Poor soul!” Then another one: “ I don’t think I get the whole thing…but if he had paid the price with his own death, then I will forgive him.”

Kolya as the group leader, hesitated for a moment and made a statement on behalf of all:” This man I knew, Smerdyakov used to be acquainted with Ilusha, but they did not speak to each other since Zhutchka…Anyway, if not for Zhutchka, we would never have gathered together. Ilusha was very lucky, because we will love and remember him forever, so we don’t mind sharing a little bit of love to someone else. As for me, I had taken an oath that I shall sacrifice myself for the welfare of human kind, in that case, forgiving an unforgivable soul is a trial I have to pass. This can be the starting point of my cause!”

He got very excited and even flushed, because in that way he related himself with the greatest and highest cause, which he had no way to approach so far. But deep inside he still felt uncertain, so he looked into Alyosha expectantly: “How about it, Karamazov? Am I too arrogant, too confident to say so?”

The sunset glow tenderly cast on Alyosha’s face, dying him pinky. He shook his head, held Kolya tight in hand and promised softly: 

“No, not at all.”

 

END

 

Notes:  
1\. The farewell vigil and funeral procedure was highly simplified for the best of the story, so it might not seem Orthodox or religious at all…Alyosha’s prayer was cited from .

2\. Ilusha died on the third day after Mitya’s trial, actually later than Smerdyakov, but he was better taken care of so his funeral came first.

3\. In fact Alyosha’s narrative of Smerdyakov’s story was a little bit twisted from the truth, because everyone has/can have his own perspective.

4\. I don’t think an “always-forgive” state of mind is a good thing. For my personal view on Smerdyakov’s funeral, I agreed with Ivan.


End file.
